I have to say, I'm not happy. Okay, I said it. Now can I go on living? Is it worth living? Damn, I sound so drab and even suicidal, but don't worry, I'm not doing that. My children need me. When my wife passed away, she was content because she knew I'd take care of our children. I know what she expects and my life is dedicated to loving our children and continuing what she and I planned for them and our family. Daniela is with me every minute of everyday. I think about her in every aspect of everything I do. My heart won't allow me not to remember how much we loved one another. I have to organize my mental chambers into three areas: Our Children, My Wife and Myself.
It's tolerable throughout the day, but late at night when I'm in bed, on her side of the bed, cuddling with her pillow that doesn't smell like her as it used to, I feel the pain and loneliness of missing my soulmate. I wonder what she's thinking when she looks upon the children and I in this new existence without her. I wonder of she's disappointed in me for not being... No worries. I'm good. All in all, as I said, I'm not happy, but I know my duties and am content to accomplishing them to make Daniela proud so I can feel her smile in my heart. ❤❤❤
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