Damn, I'm Lonely Sometimes

I'm with my four oldest children at home watching the end of "Hell on Wheels". It's an AMC weekly series. Pretty cool. The Rapper Common is a co-star. Anyway, while this song plays, I find myself thinking about how lonely I am since my wife passed.

The group Suicidal Tendencies, in their song "Alone" said, "I'm loneliest when I'm in a crowd..." I truly feel exactly what they're saying in that awesome song. While on social networking platforms, I watch how so many people are in relationships they really don't want to be in or feel trap being in. "Get out!"



Seriously, who can determine who should or shouldn't be in a relationship, but those actually "in" the relationship? So don't think I'm pushing anyone to breakup. I respect the idea of being in a relationship and those who have "real" relationships instead of these off base interactions people call relationships.



I was blessed and now I have my memories of her. I try don't find comfort in the idea or saying: "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I'm in so much constant pain via loneliness, I'd sometimes rather "NOT" have fallen in love. Yep. I said it. The loneliness is that devastating to me. I love my wife and always will, but it just feels that way sometimes. I guess it's due to the person Daniela was and what she did for me. Amazing.



- Posted By Radolph "Ray" Matthews

iCannibals

This past Friday, my younger sister called me in the early morning and asked if I was already at the Apple Store to get the new iPhone 5. Friday was the iPhone 5 launch! I told her it was too early to be asking me questions like that. She sat for a few seconds then said, “I have to get the 5!”

My home is the typical American household with many techie-toys. We are considered “Macs” due to only using Mac Products. We have a Mac, MacBook, iPad, several iPhones and a few iPods. I hangout at the Apple Store like people go to the grocery store, it’s cool though! Today, my son (Nasir) and nephew (Alex) went with me to checkout the new iPhone 5. While there, I had an epiphany of sorts. While there, Nasir and Alex stepped over to play with the new iPod Nanos. I ask, “Why?” Why would they look and play with the Nano?

If you have an iPhone, you eliminate the necessity to need other products from Apple (Mac). For example, the iPhone system has a built in iPod; why would you use an exterior iPod? Also, if you have an iPhone what would you use the iPad for? The iPhone does everything and more than the iPad.

You have to be honest about Apple’s marketing and promotions of their product lines. They are truly above the rest in their industry. Each time a new product is launched, the public response is overwhelming. As a costumer, you almost feel obligated to purchase “whatever” is being launched. We must ask ourselves, “Isn’t the iPhone the cannibal of iProducts???   

The iPhone 5 Launches Today

With the long awaited iPhone 5 launching today, I wonder if I still desire it after downloading the new IOS 6.

Personally, I feel the only carrot about the new phone is the shape and the slightly larger screen. Be honest for a second! How many of us really do use half of our current phone capabilities? I surely don't and I have multiple projects and business forum I work in/on.

In my day-to-day usage of my iPhone, use the following regularly: calendar, Reminder, Email, Social Networking Apps, Pages, Numbers, Keynote, Alarms, my phone and a few others. I try to find things new and new ways to use my phone.

The hook of the new phone is always the promise of "the new stuff" the phone is going to have. I say all of this to say, I MAY not rush to get the iPhone 5. I hear the 6 will be off the chain, :)!






- Posted By Radolph "Ray" Matthews

Information on Blogging

      With everything going on in my life right now, I’ve decided to limit my blog posting so the substance will be more interesting and full of interesting content. I’ll post once each week in my blog Pine Hill Road Diaries. I’ll get content and subject matter from others and some personal feelings and such. 

What?

Where have I been? Not too sure. Let me find out and ill report to tell you.




- Posted By Radolph "Ray" Matthews

Careers in Financial Services | Northwestern Mutual

Careers in Financial Services | Northwestern Mutual

Draculino - New Muay Thai, Boxing, Cardio Kickboxing Classes

Insight of the Day:

I ran into someone last night while I was out having a “Daniela Moment” who we (Niela and I) have known for a long time. After talking for a few minutes the subject turned to why do I not go out and am not “social” these days.

For anyone who knows me, I’ve never been that social, ever! I’m not a fan of people. I truly dislike people because throughout my life, people have failed me in one way or another. Outside of my family (The Fab Five: Ray Sr., Sherry, Shanyce, Kyra and myself), I always felt uncomfortable meeting people and hanging out in public with them. Daniela was the Social Butterfly of my life. She was the one who loved having people around and going places with tons of people. Not me. While Daniela was here, I followed her and went places and did social things because I wanted to be around her; not people! Now with her not here, I’m back to being that old anti-social me, =D! Yep, he’s back, guys!

My life is very simple! Well, I try to have it be that way. I only deal with things that matter. It’s funny, I try to find ways to figure out how to express this, but after Daniela passed, I have to deal with this major void in my and our children’s lives. We just want to live! That means, we just want to live our lives and work at getting back near normal. Before she passed, our family was preparing with relocating our family to the south. We were leaving Wisconsin and all of the bull crap we had been caught up in. crap like lack of employment opportunities, back stabbing so-called friends, trifling family members and missing our oldest son/little bro.

The idea was to get back to simple. That’s it. We didn’t want to be tossed into other people’s drama or have their issues overflow into our world. Well, it was a great idea, but then March 8^th, 2012 happened and flipped our world upside down.

Today as I try to steer our family towards normal many of you have been very thoughtful in that and we truly appreciate it.  My house is my sanctum and it’s the only place I find peace and comfort. I know we don’t have or invite visitors, but that’s just my anti-socialism. Thank you all for talking with me before you come through, it lowers my assh*le meter in people just popping up without communicating with me. Many of you remind me of Daniela and it spirals my spirits towards crashing. We thank all of our family and friends for giving us our privacy.  

We are trying to get out of here for some R & R down in Texas. Headed to Galveston Island....