Damn, I'm Lonely Sometimes

I'm with my four oldest children at home watching the end of "Hell on Wheels". It's an AMC weekly series. Pretty cool. The Rapper Common is a co-star. Anyway, while this song plays, I find myself thinking about how lonely I am since my wife passed.

The group Suicidal Tendencies, in their song "Alone" said, "I'm loneliest when I'm in a crowd..." I truly feel exactly what they're saying in that awesome song. While on social networking platforms, I watch how so many people are in relationships they really don't want to be in or feel trap being in. "Get out!"



Seriously, who can determine who should or shouldn't be in a relationship, but those actually "in" the relationship? So don't think I'm pushing anyone to breakup. I respect the idea of being in a relationship and those who have "real" relationships instead of these off base interactions people call relationships.



I was blessed and now I have my memories of her. I try don't find comfort in the idea or saying: "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." I'm in so much constant pain via loneliness, I'd sometimes rather "NOT" have fallen in love. Yep. I said it. The loneliness is that devastating to me. I love my wife and always will, but it just feels that way sometimes. I guess it's due to the person Daniela was and what she did for me. Amazing.



- Posted By Radolph "Ray" Matthews