"MY LIFE"

I’ve spent the better part of my life searching. I’ve been searching for a place in this world and this existence for myself. I grew up so protected and sheltered by my parents where I never had to worry about the ills of life and reality. My parents sheltered me and my sisters so much; I grew up in a dream world. My dream world was based in fantasy and not having to concern myself with bills, debt or anything really. Not only were we sheltered, my sisters and I spoiled. I’m spoiled to this day!

I say that to say only, I understand my limitations and faults. Today as a father of four growing children, I try to teach them things my parents taught my siblings and I as we grew up. The purpose and reasoning for hard work. My parents and family have a strong ethical and moral foundation. This is what made me who I am today. It’s where I come from. I try my best to find that place I searched for as a child and have been searching for my entire life. A place of purpose and reason. Then I slam into the brick wall of outside opinions that shouldn’t affect me or what I do, but do affect me because I hold those welding their opinions of me like a broad sword hacking and chopping at any and everything I do or move I make. Then people want to question why I tend to be stand offish or consider distancing myself from everyone.

A few things I get judged on:

I’m a tough parent… I’ve been told my expectations for my children are not realistic. I believe we (African-Americans/Americans in general) coddle our children and don’t push them. Yes, I have high expectations of my children; that’s because I know their potential. They are my and my wife’s children!!

I’m a gun enthusiast… Why am I into guns? I’ve always been into guns. I grew up in a gun culture. If you’re afraid of guns, I thank you for NOT having any because YOU are the type of person who doesn’t need them. I’d rather have a gun and not need it than to need it and not have it. We are living in a savage time.

I'm a Ralph Lauren Polo Head... I'm wasting MY money again. Are you jealous?

I love tattoos… Why do I spend money marking my body? Why do I spend my time doing that? Exactly, MY is the key wording. If my having tattoos on MY body, bought with MY money offends you, it’s not MY issue. Go see a therapist.

I enjoy country and Heavy Metal music… I’m just into music. I’m not going to justify that one. I love music.

I practice Jiujitsu… I’m too fat, too old, it costs too much, those white boys are having a ball kicking my black ass, etc. These are the things said to me for training Jiujitsu all while they are in the bars or on the couch at home. WHOA!

I love horror movies, books, etc… That’s stupid. Why don’t I do something more creative than waste time watching those movies? Here you go again judging what I do in MY life.

I’m very conservative in my political views… Hahaha, I love this one. I’m stupid (again) giving a bad look to black people for my political beliefs. And this comes from someone who doesn’t vote at all. HILARIOUS!

I don’t anchor myself down with religion, but I’m very spiritual… I’m going to Hell, I do this or say this for attention, what would Daniela say, I’m not raising my children right with this thinking, etc. So hypocritical.  

I LOVE my wife and celebrate her as much as possible… I talk about her too much? WTF??? Really? Wow!!!

I believe in my family… I was told I talk about my family like everything is always good. It is! I have both parents, siblings, 6-nephews, 4-children, my brother-in-law (if he ever talks to me again) and a beautiful niece. No one is in jail, everyone’s graduated or currently dong well in school and it is what it is. What else is there?

I don’t think life is hard, I think people make life hard… I’m too rough on people. Life’s not hard. It’s this our that. People make life hard themselves by their dumb and selfish choices. Common sense is very basic.

In all, I’d like it to be known that I try to live by the code of my wife Daniela Sayas-Matthews (RIP) “DO YOU!”  

#Daniela3 #MWAWG #FamilyFirst #Love #Loyalty #LOLIFE #PineHillRdDiaries #BigKids2013 #Growth #Development #Matthewism

"Hey, You!"

Who are you,

So strong, 

So dominant with your dark glory flowing long and shinning uninterrupted from under your crown? 

I've heard whispers of you, Those whispers like fables or myths never to be proven, until I saw you are of flesh and bone. 

Now your presence terrorizes me in the form of day-terrors because seeing you confuses me and interrupts my flow, which isn't hidden, but rather amplified by my intolerable uncontrollable lack of functional capacities when in your terrorizing presence. 

Your beautiful eyes set focused surrounded by a steady crimson glare which cuts towards my already damaged soul, Slicing and dicing through layer after layer of inadequacies. 

Damn!

How do I get you to see me? 

Maybe I don't. 

Okay, 

I guess it is what it is. 

Down Time

What do you do for your down time? How do you define down time? Personally, I define down time as those times during the day my mind wonders off and takes me to another, less experienced reality. Like now. My conductor is usually music, which steers my emotions, passion and dreams. 

What's yours?

2013 Worlds Most Exciting Fight - Marcus Buchecha vs Bernardo Faria

What, RayRay???

Daniela and our son, Naim AKA Nubian Priest.  Rest in Paradise, 3!

The person you sleep with is very significant. The first face you see in the morning is the energy boosting or energy draining mechanism, which defines your motivation or lack there of.  

Why do you wake up in the morning?

Why do you work hard like you do?

What are your core morals and what do they focus on?

Know your purpose… today’s Mathematics: Knowledge-Cipher.

Today, my grandfather is being laid to rest back to the essence. I didn’t grow up with him, but I’m his manifestation.

PEACE

"Morning Focus!!!"

I caught a huge yawn this morning to wake up around 5AM. Hahahahaha… after a 14-hour day on a Friday; whoa!!! I stay true to my philosophy of practicing a new level of capitalism in this new chapter of my life. Holla at y’all later, I’m out to get it.

“Get’em!!!!!”

Wisconsin Unemployment, Circa 2009

This article was done on our family in 2009 when we were going through a serious financial pitfall. I love the picture. 

Radolph Matthews, 39, of Milwaukee, Wis., talks with his youngest son, Naim, 3, Wednesday, Dec. 16, 2009, about what he would like for Christmas. 

Matthews, who has a master's degree in business administration, lost his job Oct. 1.Matthews and his wife, Daniela, along with their four children, are living on Daniela's income and Matthews' unemployment checks. Matthews initially received some severance money and the family had a small savings, but this month, Daniela says, the family is beginning to feel the pinch. "Now with the holidays, and then ... our car insurance," Daniela said. "Now the taxes are coming out, getting the car winterized." Everything is starting to add up, she says.  

na-milwaukee

Daniela Matthews (right), of Milwaukee, Wis., listens to her children, N'Kya (left), 8, and Nile (second from left), 10, argue while Naim (center), 3, chimes in. Matthews' husband, Radolph, lost his job Oct. 1. In Milwaukee, Wis., the unemployment rate among African Americans is 22 percent, higher than any other state.  

na-milwaukee

"I expect them to be honor roll students," Radolph Matthews (left), 39, of Milwaukee, Wis., says of his four children, ages 12, 10, 8 and 3. All of the Matthews children get outstanding grades. Nile (right), 10, goes over some homework with his father. Matthews, who has a master's degree in business administration, lost his job Oct. 1.The family is living on unemployment checks and Daniela Matthews' income as a legislative assistant for the Milwaukee County Board. 

na-milwaukee

Daniela Matthews, 33, of Milwaukee, Wis., walks into a local grocery store with her daughter, N'Kya, 8, Wednesday, Dec. 16, 2009. Matthews needed to pick up some groceries to make the family tacos for dinner. Matthews' husband, Radolph, lost his job Oct. 1. Since then, the family has been living on unemployment checks and Daniela Matthews' income as a legislative assistant for the Milwaukee County Board. 

na-milwaukee

She decided to just bring soda to her work Christmas party this year, says Daniela Matthews (center), of Milwaukee, Wis., while shopping at a local grocery store with her daughter, N'Kya, 8. Since Daniela Matthews' husband, Radolph, lost his jobOct. 1, the family has been intensely busy. When Daniela Matthews is not working her full-time job as a legislative assistant, she continues to take care of her family, allowing her husband time to search for a new job.  

na-milwaukee

As Ja'veon Brooks, 4 months, sleeps in the shopping cart, Daniela Matthews (right), of Milwaukee, Wis., hands some baby food to her sister, Sheyenne Porter (Ja'veon's mother), who is living with Matthews and her husband, Radolph, along with the four Matthews children. Although Brooks has a degree in medical assisting, she has been unable to find a job. Radolph Matthews lost his job Oct. 1, so the entire family is living on Daniela Matthews' income as a legislative assistant, along with Radolph Matthews' unemployment checks.  

na-milwaukee

As Daniela Matthews, 33, of Milwaukee, Wis., prepares dinner Wednesday, Dec. 16, 2009, her husband, Radolph Matthews, tells her that one of his friends received his blue belt in jujitsu. Radolph Matthews and his children are all heavily involved in the sport. Since he lost his jobOct. 1, the jujitsu club the family members go to gave them a financial break and helped pay for their lessons.  

From A Kid’s Perspective

Obie, Solo, Eli, Delo, Alex, Terrell, Nas, Nile, N'kya and Naim

Yesterday, while shopping at the grocery store with my three older children, a cashier stated he was having a “Not-so-well” day because George Zimmerman may be acquitted. The Zimmerman/Martin Case has grown and become, to many people, an important and emotional case in American social occurrences. It’s been divided based on Zimmerman, a white male, shooting and killing Trayvon Martin, a young African-American male. Honestly, in the beginning, I found myself in a conflicted position. Being African-American, I was initially angry and described the shooting as another example of the racist ideologies, which have forged ignorance of racial divide in America; initially. Then as a gun enthusiast, advocate of civilian conceal and carry, I saw myself jump to the conservative defense of ‘Self-Defense” in the case. Once again, I saw myself jump back to across that divide as a parent of three young African-American males (and one daughter, who’s African-American as well). So it would be safe to say, I’m finding myself on the fence of the Zimmerman/Martin issue.

My Family

While driving home with a truck full of groceries, I turned the radio on and listened to some Meek Mills with the kids. I had totally forgotten, that quickly, about the conversation with the Wal-Mart cashier. Nearly halfway home, my second oldest, Nile, asked a question. Nile asked, “Dad, I know the type of person you are. What do you think about Zimmerman and Martin?” The question set an alternate tone in the truck from enjoying Meek Mills to a serious topic. I mean my 14-year old son wanted to know my opinion on an issue that directly affected him and his siblings. It affects all of his cousins and his entire community. I was obligated to answer honestly; both as a father and an African-American male.

Me and the boys

I told my children, I feel this case is a horror and Zimmerman should be convicted because he unquestionably racial profiled Trayvon. I told them from my experiences as an African-American, I am appalled because this is another example of African-Americans being murdered and nothing happening. I told him what most African-Americans and liberal thinking people would have said. Then my 12-year old daughter said, “I just don’t understand why everyone is so upset and making a huge fuss about Zimmerman shooting Trayvon…” My eyes cut as I glared back to her in the back of the truck. “I mean, I feel bad for him, but why is this one different?”

N'kya

My heart sank. This is my daughter. A product of Daniela and I. I mean, we believe in our culture, people, race and our way of life and the idea of fighting for racial/cultural injustices. What is my daughter talking about? Then I noticed my 15-year old and 14-year old sons in agreement with her statement. I had to ask, “What do you mean?”

Then the unexpected happened. Nile, my 14-year old who initiated the conversation said, “Mark Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin, right?”

“Yes!” I replied.

“And this has become a very important issue in our country because a white man shot and killed a young black boy, right?” He continued.

Okay, Nile has the basic idea. I was nervous for a second.

Nile: Always so serious

Then he continued, “So Dad, why is Zimmerman, a white man killing Trayvon, a black boy getting more press and more community anger from the African-American community than the many killings in Milwaukee and around the country of young black boys by other young black boys?”  

WHOA!!!!!

My children asked why it was more concerning and more pressing, more news worth that Zimmerman killed Trayvon, a white man killing a black boy than the multitudes of black on black murders in Milwaukee and around the country.

Nasir with his Mom

My oldest, Nasir chimed in saying, “Honestly, I think it’s worse when we kill one another. It’s genocide!”

WOW!!!

My children are truly products of their culture. At 15, 14 and 12-years old, our children have more understanding on issues that our community faces on a daily basis. These three young African-American children, who live in Milwaukee’s inner-city amongst other African-American youth find it more important to deal with the murders around their community by those in their community than a murder issue based on issues not directly affecting them. I applaud you Nasir, Nile and N’kya for having the wear-with-all to express yourselves and develop your own thoughts and ideologies on this matter. You have truly taught the teacher. Your mother would be so proud of you.    

Daniela and Ray Ray's Family

"Content, Not So Happy..."

I have to say, I'm not happy. Okay, I said it. Now can I go on living? Is it worth living? Damn, I sound so drab and even suicidal, but don't worry, I'm not doing that. My children need me. When my wife passed away, she was content because she knew I'd take care of our children. I know what she expects and my life is dedicated to loving our children and continuing what she and I planned for them and our family. Daniela is with me every minute of everyday. I think about her in every aspect of everything I do. My heart won't allow me not to remember how much we loved one another. I have to organize my mental chambers into three areas: Our Children, My Wife and Myself. 

It's tolerable throughout the day, but late at night when I'm in bed, on her side of the bed, cuddling with her pillow that doesn't smell like her as it used to, I feel the pain and loneliness of missing my soulmate. I wonder what she's thinking when she looks upon the children and I in this new existence without her. I wonder of she's disappointed in me for not being... No worries. I'm good. All in all, as I said, I'm not happy, but I know my duties and am content to accomplishing them to make Daniela proud so I can feel her smile in my heart. ❤❤❤

"AIN'T SUNSHINE...."

@ TJ's on 35th Street, Circa 2010

Man, I just spent the past hour being extremely pissed off. Nothing that’s overly major, but still worth venting about to you guys/gals. Okay, I get to the clinic for my pre-employment physical. I’m on noid already because this is the same clinic I’ve had issues with in the past because they wouldn’t clear me for a different job when I was healing from Rotator Cuff Surgery. SO…I go in and the cutie behind the desk made me feel a tad better and I was with Naim so you know how we do! After filling out the forms I’ve filled out ten million times, I went to the back for urine and TB Screenings. Then the nurse directed us to the exam room to wait for the doctor.

Naim Nuru Andrew Matthews, Circa 2011

 I thought about not telling them I was Diabetic because a lot of unnecessary drama comes once they know you’re Diabetic. After checking my blood sugar, it started. First, I must tell you all, my sugars run high right now, but my primary physician is awesome and we’re working on getting the sugar levels under control. The clinic physician basically said he wouldn’t clear me to start the job due to my Diabetes. What? I was livid! I remained cool, though. Once he saw I was down and very disappointed, he said he would clear me, but my primary physician would have to clear me as well. That’s nothing because my primary is awesome so he’ll do it for me. I hope he does it. Anyway, I had to take a form from the clinic to my primary’s office for him to sign and fax back to the clinic to go into my file for employment.

My and Daniela's Family, Circa 2011

 I say all of that to say, life is so full of unnecessary Bull crap at times. When I’m up on a cloud and happily celebrating an achievement or reaching a personal goal, something is always there in an attempt to bring my celebration crashing to the ground in defeat. I’m proud of a few things…

I’m proud of having three college degrees, two of which are graduate level degrees.

I’m proud of having nearly twenty years in an industry of helping and assisting others through Human Services.

I’m proud to have met, found and fallen in love with my soul mate and to have been loved by such an amazing woman.

I’m proud to have four children with that amazing woman with no outside kids or BM/BD Drama.

I’m proud of our children and their individual strengths to be the people they are and the adults they will become.

I’m proud to never have experienced handcuffs being placed on my wrists or being in the rear of a police vehicle; hence never being in jail or arrested for any reason.

I’m proud to be a part of the Matthews Family and a descendant of Andrew and Hattie Matthews from Mt. Holly, Arkansas.

I’m proud to not have a particular genre of music I listen to and to being open to all forms of musical expression.

I’m proud to be the country boy loaner I come off to be to others and the goofy troublemaker I am to my close friends and family.

My, Myself and I, Circa 2012

It hurts though when others who don’t really know you or care to understand you put a stigma on you and wave that banner without truly experiencing who you truly are. I’ve never used my illness as an excuse or not even a reason to get off of work. I hope this turns out well I can start this new path, which was given to me without the chaos and unnecessary obstacles from someone who doesn’t even know how to pronounce my first name.

Pre-Employment Physical

Well, I know it’s a tad later, but Great Morning to you all. I’m getting geared up for my Pre-employment Physical this morning for my new career opportunity. I’ve decided to let Naim (my 6-year old) come with me. I guess, I want him as a form of Good Luck, =D! Hey, you never know! I may do a video post to the blog (www.phrdiaries@blogspot.com) after I leave the clinic. My nerves are weird because I literally “HATE” these clinics when I have an awesome specialist in Dr. Paul Hartlaub here in Milwaukee, WI. For those of you who don’t know, I’m Diabetic and Dr. Hartlaub is the awesome Physician who’s helping me get control of my illness. Well, enough of that! See you in about an hour. Keep your fingers crossed for Great Luck and blessings!!!

"COLONY THINKING"

Lo-Lifes New York, NY: Salute with 2Ls^

Good Morning All,

Those of you who know me have a very direct opinion of me. More so than those you've I've met through work, business or social environments. The one common theme, I feel, you all may share is that I'm a truly honest person. I try not to give you a sugarcoated opinion that's lost behind jargon not too technical to comprehend nor will I speak to you in a slang dialect to fool you just the same. You've heard me say I'm a simple man, from a simple place and time. It's true. I feel life is extremely too short and important to spend time trying to deceive and be dishonest to people who go through similar struggles as you. It's childish and very immature. Now this post isn't directed towards anyone specific person. I'm just speaking in general. 

Matthews and Watts: Family in the community.

Culture is simply defined as "a way of life" and "how you live your life." I watched, over this past weekend, a show called 'Meet The Hutterites'. The show is about a colony of Amish-like people who share a close culture based in their faith. Many cultures like this tend to be religiously based and take the scripture of their faith very literally. In this show, they follow the day-to-day lives of several colonists. What you learn quickly is how private the culture is, but also how the rules and following the rules is what makes this culture or way of life work. 

Educated Matthews Man.

Everyone in the colony has a purpose, job and intent. All focused on maintaining the rules of the colony. The colonists understand their individual roles and vow to maintain those roles and duties in order to maintain their culture. 

I then take that ideology and try to figure a way to adapt it to modern day and society. These colonies and culture are self-sustaining. They really don’t need the outside world for much. If something occurs politically, socially or economically that causes a national crisis or even a nature disaster, these colonies will sustain and survive. I doubt if we can. They make their own clothes, harvest (grow and raise) their own foods and even produce their own economic system.

Matthews Family doing Community Service.

What if we did? What if we were able to come together as a collective and set aside our religious, political and social differences? We could develop a culture and colony based in an industry like science or technology; whereas everyone in the colony would share the common theme of communal advancement. The colony’s schools, youth programs, social atmosphere all would be focused on developing an environment and foundation for that theme to flourish. It wouldn’t have to be a compound, but rather a town or small village. Of course the first generation would need to be willing to sacrifice financial gain due to their focus being the building of the colony and developing the future leaders of the colony.

Yours Truly: Ray Ray, Ray Lo or Butt Hole. Depends on who you ask.

There’s been this idea of people having their independence in thought and freedoms of “being who you want to be”, which is a cultural and social killer. In my opinion, without rules and borders for people to follow and remain in, they are bound to hurt themselves and others. Today this can begin by forming a small group of dedicated people who share the similar ideas of morality and purpose.

I guess, I say all of this to say, I would love to live in a small self-sustaining colony where independence is minor compared to the growth of the youth and future. Beyond racial, ethnic, social, economic, religious and whatever else form of division, we can't flurish or start growth in a positive light until we're willing to truly understand and practice sacrifice.

Matthews, Willis, Sayas, Thomas and Conners: All family!

RM  

2013 Worlds Most Exciting Fight - Marcus Buchecha vs Bernardo Faria

No início de um vídeo blog sobre Robert Drysdale, afirmei que ele (Drysdale) foi um dos meus jogadores favoritos Jiujitsu. Bem, o meu muito próximo segundo favorito é esse cara. A partir da Check Mat Team, Buchecha. Muito emocionante e campeão talentoso.

Drysdale

Rolled Up Episode 37 - All or Nothing - Robert Drysdale - part 2

2 L's Up!!!!!!

Good Morning/Afternoon to all my families and associates this glorious day. I’ve been talking to my daughter about Lo Lifes and my love for the family as well as how I got connected to the brand. She’s an 11-year old Rock N’ Roll kid and not too true to being loyal. Hey, I gotta love her though. She’s my princess. This is dedicated to my daughter and those who can’t understand the vibe…

"Ill Fate...."

Man, I had a very bad night last night. When I say bad, I’m talking about physically. My health was very bad. Not my health, but an element of my health. For those of you who may not know, I’m Diabetic. Being a Diabetic isn’t at all as fabulous you may think, Hahaha… Seriously, I ate something that I shouldn’t have eaten and it jumped me causing me to feel ill this morning. I felt so ill, I couldn’t get up and take the two older kids to school this morning.

Right now, I’m sitting in our living room wanting for the day to begin. Kids make me laugh when they claim to be extremely bored. Now, my daughter has fallen asleep. Wow! I guess that’s what kids do. 

Back On The Scene

Man, things get gully and very ugly when you are not expecting them, but you have to have faith and belief in you and your own abilities. When I say to have faith, I’m talking about in having faith in yourself. Understand what you can achieve and know your limitations. Many of us play in leagues that are above our ability or pay grade then when we fail, we get angry and upset and be on some next level “I hate the world” type stuff. 

I love these caps!!!

  

I know my place. People get upset when I talk about knowing ones place. Black folks and women especially. I’m not going to get into it in this blog, but I will soon. Once you read/hear it, I think you will fully appreciate and understand that logic.

Many faces of Ray Lo in MKE

Keep your head up and keep pushing forward…  

"This Morning's Lesson"

This morning while taking the kids to school, I witnessed one of those odd moments that bring forth deep thought. Well, it wasn’t too deep of thought for me because I have a remedy for it.

My Grandmother, Joyce Watts

I saw a few people on a bus stop near downtown Milwaukee. There was a guy and a girl standing near the bus shelter going back-and-forth. They weren’t being physical, but there was a possibility it may have lead to it. I was thinking it was too early for this type of aggression. Anyway, I pull to the light and get caught by the red light. I roll my window down a tad, just enough to be nosey and see what they were arguing about. It was the typical; he was just denying and she was going in on him. Then the more passive he was, it seemed the more she became aggressive. She then pushed him in his face and he just took it. The light changed and traffic pushed me forward.

Here is my issue…

Ms. Nancy, Yvette and Daniela

Being raised in the environment I was raised in, under the parental guidance I was raised under and being taught by the examples of “real” manhood I had as a child, I know it’s taboo (forbidden) to put your hands on a woman. I think most of you would agree or at least should agree. Well, my philosophy is slowly changing. For a man, you should near put your hands on the woman you are in love with for no reason, but she should never take your ideology and turn it against you.

“Oh, he doesn’t hit women so I can hit him and he won’t hit me back!” That is a common mistake women have today. If your husband, boyfriend or man doesn’t believe in hitting women or being aggressive with women (physically), you should respect that enough to follow suit. I find it common practice for many women to find this the opportune time to jump in a man’s face, push him in his head, grab him by the collar and totally belittle him as a man, but the first time he response “accordingly” the tables flip to him being abusive and a woman beater.

Today, we are witness to a society where many people are lost to who they are and what role they are meant to play in relationships. There are too many women out here imitating and emulating the male persona. Know your role!!! Okay, some may try to say I’m talking about the Gay/Lesbian culture, which I’m not yet, I hold-heartedly am referring to this idea that women can do everything a man can do; or at least should be able to. A few weeks ago I posted a photo of a woman holding a military rifle and mentioned she was a bout to drop it and this is why women shouldn’t be in combat. Many women came at me and were very unhappy that I posted that statement. Okay, you are allowed your opinion and I’m allowed to disagree with it. Right? I mean this is America, right?

My sister Shanyce Mc Gee and my daughter N'kya

Now, women, I feel you need to make your choice and be honest with yourselves and do it in a realty based mental state. In saying “women can do anything men can do,” you’re then sacrificing chivalry and the nearly forgotten practice of men being respectful and courteous towards women. As women, you want to do everything men can do even fight in combat, but are surprised and appalled and even fall under the protection of being a frail women if a man puts his hands on you. Damn, that’s a Catch 22 of I ever heard of one.

So coming from a man who doesn’t believe or practice being hitting or disrespecting women, I would like for you to think about this the next time you see a woman shoving, yelling, cursing, hitting and disrespecting a man while he just stands there and takes it. Feel pity for the example and impractical relationship practices they both are displaying. The women displaying her uncivilized and savage and his being a fool for putting up with it.

Me with my daughter N'kya