"WELCOME TO 2013.... REFOCUSED!!!"

Well,as I write this Blog entry, we are entering into a new year. I can’t rememberanything I was thinking about 2012 this time last year. I know I had made thedecision to run for political office and Daniela and the kids were totallybehind me. Nothing more, really, it’s common for people to make plans orpromises on what they are going to do or change in the coming year. Honestly, Idon’t want to do that. I want to really get on track and get back to pushingthe family forward. I guess that’s my task. To get to where we were as a familyand push the kids forward towards their potential and destinies.

8-Minutesleft…

Findingprimary employment is my number one focus right now.  I need to find a daytime 9-to-5, Monday through Friday jobwith an insurance packet. Of course the kids need proper insurance and dentalcare. Hahaha… Daniela was huge on making sure the babies were protected thatway.

2-minutesremaining…

Funny,I’m bringing the New Year in watching the last season marathon of ‘The WalkingDead.’ This is the episode when Lori is killed. Wow!

Welcome2013…

“Ipledge my heart and soul (life force) to my children and the memory of my wifeand best friend Daniela to be the greatest and most understanding andsupportive father I can be to our babies.

Ipledge and promise to never forget her and love her as I did when she was herewith us.

I pledgeto live my life in this New Year and forward to the fullest and most becausethat’s how she lived.

I willput no one or nothing ahead of our family and will do the best I can possiblydo to reach the goals she and I set for our family.

Myword is my bond… 3333xInfinity!!!!!”

As Iwrite this pledge, people are shooting their guns around me in the alleys andside streets and I remember the idea and pledge of being a father and protectorof my family. I am forged with doing what I need to do to get us where we needto be to live comfortably enough for them to reach and exceed their family andindividual goals.

Dayone starts now….    

RM

Buchecha Vs Roger Gracie - Metamoris Pro 2012 Whole Fight - Buchech vs R...

UFC 155: Jim Miller vs. Joe Lauzon Recap

Here we go… after UFC 155 and watching Cain get his title back in smashing fashion and being witness to one of the most hard fought fights of UFC history, we are creeping into a new year. 2013 promises to be a total barnburner in the MMA and Jiujitsu Worlds. During this weekend while watching 155, Fat Boy Jiujitsu Correspondents were in house and front row for all of the action. My pick of “Favorite Fight” was, of course, the three round bloodbath between tow of my favorite UFC/MMA Fighters today.

Jim Miller v. Joe “J-Lo” Lauzon

These are two of the most awesome submission specialists in the game today. Jim Miller has awesome wrestling and is a Jiujitsu Black Belt. Lauzon’s Jiujitsu is off the meter and doesn’t mind going to the ground. Awesome kids and I believe their 2013 will be pretty busy.

"Technology At Matthews 19th Street..."

My youngest sister and my youngest child are so much alike. I was there today and watched their interaction with one another. Whoa... This is how they get down.
#PineHillRoadDiaries #MWAWG #RayRayLo

"Tal alma Solitária ... "

"Sem mim família, não sou nada. Sem você ao meu lado, eu sinto que nada!"

Many days, I wish everything could go back to the way they were. When I was a good and strong man. A man with purpose and direction. A man who fulfilled the dreams and hopes of the woman he loved and who loved him. Before the dark cloud covered my heart and soul.

"FLESH OF MY FLESH..."

There I stood, staring into her eyes.

Standing on that concrete porchwith no roof, looking into her eyes.

Lost in Daniela’s beautifulBrown eyes.

Why she was nervous?

She, moving back-and-forth, andrubbing her hands together as her white teeth clenched down on the left side ofher lower lip.

Her long dark silky hair pulledback in a convenient ponytail.

Her bright complexion, smoothand delicious and those soothing eyes hypnotized me.

Traffic moving up and down thestreet while neighborhood kids ride bicycles on the sidewalk,

The smell of barb-a-que saucefloats from the backyard across the street.

Daniela’s eyes, those softBrown eyes watered nervously.

I reached down for her wrists.

Holding her wrists, I wiggleddown to her hands.

Holding her soft hands, Iasked, “What’s wrong, baby?”

She closed those beautifulBrown eyes.

So nervous. So uncertain.

What could it be?

Daniela opened her eyes andsaid, “I’m pregnant.”

The four faces of myforefathers appeared…

 Ed…

Andrew…

Eddie…

Radolph…

My forefathers, fourgenerations of men; man-child, pillars to our foundation.

Standing in front of me.  

Judgment Day as a man… as ahusband…as a provider…as a father.

I created,

God did.

Daniela, my Earth.

Nature/ Nurture my seed fromknowledge to born,

Give birth to my resurrection,

Give my resurrection my name.

Flesh of my flesh, he will beblood of my blood.

Kindred to our forefathersacross the sands of time.

Footprints across time.

Time calculated by quantumdisparities rippled through that path in time.

My son, it is your time.

"SELLING BLOCK..."

What is your worth, standing on urban street corners lost for purpose in herds of indigent wasted youth? What can you offer the world besides fashion tips like the usefulness of belts and buckles? Fiction causes you to twist reality with fantasy when your reality is actually a fallacy created by someone whose dreams and fantasies allow him to manipulate…you.

Come on nigga, be that which you accept to be. Nigga only means savage and living useless existences while bring nothing to the masses make you…a nigga. You’d might as well stand on that selling block cause your block ain’t yours. It’s owned by the same folks that owned the selling blocks that your forefather and his fathers stood on.

Hair, check…

Teeth, check…

Balls, none.

You have no balls due to four hundred years of self-mutilation and genocidal thinking and behaviors. So stand there on the block. Sell your balls and your empty soul…that slave is more of a man than you…NIGGA!

#PineHillRdDiaries #LoLifes #25thStreet #ElDoradoAR #Daniela3 #BabyMomma #AZHomie #ShaneFeazell #JeffJohnson #RamoneKendricks #DonteKendricks JermaineCarthan #MWAWG

Ray M.

"KISSING YOU..."

The idea of kissing you is an indictment to the soul. To anticipate our lips meeting in a caressing embrace,
tongues lashing, whipping back & forth, then around,
Sharing the carefree, but not "SO" innocent fantasy of melting together.
Our mouths expanding then contracting,
pressing forward.
Our tongues exploring,
our souls releasing.
Our bodies relax into one another tasting the sweetness of possibilities..."

"When I'm Cold At Night..."

I saw you last night with God. Teasing my heart, burning my soul, never realizing the wreck you left in leaving me. I watched you interacting with God as we once would; laughing together, you trusting him as you did me when we were together. I want you back. Holding you in my mind isn't enough. I need your touch, still your love holds me.
On these cold nights the memories of loving you warms me. Your love is a blanket over me. When I'm cold at night your love warm me.

#Daniela3 #MWAWG #BabyMomma

"NEWS BRIEFING..."

"News Briefing..."

I was rolling through the chapter and everything is going as scheduled. I'm looking for someone to proofread it for me. I may need two or three people. I don't want anyone to read the entire project. I want everyone to be surprised and into it when it's published. Of course my editor will read it. Hahaha... Yeah, this is going to be awesome.

I think I need to work on some of the short stories as well. Everything needs to fall in line so once I publish, we can market strong and distribute through grossing channels. The compilation of short stories is titled'Under My Flesh' with five to six short projects. I want to make it horror, but reality-horror. You know, something possible and believable.

"SHINNING..."

You're likened to a Diamond...

Strong & solid,
Firm & untampered with,
Meant to be,
Determined through growing over time...
time created experiences showing you what could be,
What you are destined to shine above,
Not to be held in constraints,
You reflect the Suns shine with no constraints,
Reflect my shine with no constraints.

When the Sun shines you reflect that shine to the stars like the Moon to the stars,
Our stars,
Five understandings, Five resurrections,
You & I,
We are destined to shine above all with no constraints.

Never let let them cut you. Never let me manipulate your shape or take away from your nature as mother of civilization & all creation.
From you everything is born,
Growing healthy & strong,
Stars,
Resurrections resurrect from the flames, which brought you from there to here,
Now you can reflect my shine,
Reflect my shine,
One day you'll be mine,
My queen,
Reflect my shine...

RM

"THINKING OF GOING HOME..."

My heart hurts, like a thousands arrows piercing one point on my shoulder and as I pull away the pain grows and intensifies. My stomach is uneasy and my chest aches.

I want to go home. I want to go back to the hot and humid thick air too heavy to breath while death wears tank tops and sweat bands…

Hot as the weight of the heat crushes your body down into a lymphatic leaning position where all you can, do…is relax.

Sweat doesn’t get a chance to bead up on you; it pours down your face and chest even your legs sweat because it is too damned hot.

Back home, where our one high school’s mascot, is a Wild Cat and when the Wild Cats play the town shuts down.

I want to go home!!

Chilling on the hill under the carport on the back of my great-grandfather’s pick up truck listening to my father and his grandfather discuss our ancestors.

Damn, my great-grandfather…Andrew Matthews, laid back and like a living dictionary of Matthewism and a practicum of manhood.

13-years on a chain gang simply because of his blood relations. His sickly brother committed murdered…and due to his terminal illness and the sheriff needing someone to be guilty, he took the healthy Andrew instead. Somebody always gotta pay!

I remember him standing tall in that heat, wearing dusty overalls and a paid button up. He loved trucker caps, but his body was so old and worn it was hard for him to raise his hand to place his hat on right, so he banged it before bangin’ was cool!!

In the mornings the dew from the pond created a fading mist, which carried the stench of mud, wet red clay mixed in Hog shit…but I love it.

I want to go home!! No offense to Milwaukee, I can’t deal with the rat race. You can keep your video fantasies of every young black boy being a rapper or if you’re above 5’10” being a hooper. I’m too old to rap and I have no jump shot so I want to go home.

I’ll pack up my wife and our four beautiful babies, load up the truck and head 55-South. All our vices and imperfections packed neatly in our souls. Ray Ray’s going back to El Dog, y’all!!

I want to go home!!

But now, the economy is stressed and I just got back to working after 9-months of weekly unemployment checks and rejection letter after letter from less than quality job interviews.

My mortgage is boarder-line delinquent and I’m on my last extension in the presidents home retention program. I can’t go home, not right now. I have to save money because the house I grew up in is not livable. It’s occupied with raccoons and snakes nesting in the walls. And the walls of my heart still ache.

I’m home sick, y’all. I want to go home!!!

"BLACK QUEENS..."

Standing on the corner of 7^th and Center, I saw it clear as day.

With traffic moving to the pulsating rhythm of an urban mix tape, a truck’s bed slamming the pavement as a Monte Carlo beats so aggressively like the hearts of young colored boys in Milwaukee. 

Man, pull up your pants. You are not in a video Sherman Show 24 Hours a day. You are not living “La Vida Loca” telling tales of selling Coca, but your story sounds so much, like a Rick Ross track…. but that’s another poem.

I saw it with my own eyes. On the corner not too far from the bus stop just as the bus dropped off and picked up daughters and sons, those unaware of what I was about to witness. 

THERE!!!! There at the Yellow house with all those dusty Niggas drinking beer on the curb. The Yellow house with paint peeling and wood rotting and the old mattresses mildewing in the over grown backyard.

A woman from the Yellow house stood and walked from the porch slowly towards the curb. Probably on W-2 cause we in the hood and all ghetto Niggas are recipients. She just walked to the curb between the house and the bus stop, but near the curb. Never mind the traffic and the daughters and sons getting on and off the bus.

She, in broad daylight, pulled up her dress and squatted down. Her ass inches away from the ground and her dress balled up in her hand. This trifling bitch shit on the curb in broad daylight.

Please Milwaukee, help me understand what would make this trifling bitch shit on the curb in broad daylight?

First thought…

My first thought was she must be a client from the County Behavioral Health, but that was run like a hoe house and even retards know how to use a toilet.

Was she drunk?

Was she that drunk she lost the idea of being regal even though she was only a Black Queen in Ghetto theology?

No, I don’t think all black women are queens and this trifling bitch made sure of that.

I prayed for Milwaukee’s Finest to roll through and I would’ve love to see that Mil-Town Ass Whipping our police are know for handing out!!!

Cars honked their horns and cell phones took aim. Yells from the opposite side of the street rained in on her; and the disquist in me boiled up like a birthing volcano…but then, just as trifling, with her head up she continued to shit. And as smoothly as she dropped down…she finished. She stood up and returned back to the porch.

Not all Black women are queens.

"Happy 21st Birthday..."

Riding around MKE, I rose up into my old neighborhood. I had to pull over and take a picture of this corner. This is the corner at 26th & Auer Avenue.

Back in the summer of 1991, I was coming home from work when a car pulled up to the corner. I was one block away from home. There were about six people in the car. I stood on the corner to let the car past. The guy in the passenger seat threw up a gang sign for "Crip". Well being we were in Milwaukee and Crips were a West Coast Gang, I really didn't pay too much attention. Well, I guess I didn't respond how he wanted me to so he and all his boys stepped from the car. They all pulled guns out on me. "Wow!"

I'm one block from my house, in my neighborhood and this is how I'm going out. "Wow!" They danced around pointing their guns at me with one saying, "Pop this n!gg@! He a glazed donut!" Glazed Doughnut was a diss to Gangsta Disciples. This went on for about 5-minutes. In that 5-minutes no one came by. No cars, nothing. I figured if this is how I'm going down then so be it. It is what it is!!

The driver was a young female and told them since I was coming from work and had a job, I was cool and they needed to let me go. So they did.

Two days later was my birthday. I turned 21-years old and I was legal to buy alcohol. It was a party!!! My homie, Shay Money and I walked around the corner so I could buy my first bottle of beer "legally". While at the corner someone's hand was in my face making the letter "C" for "Crip" and I heard a familiar voice. When I looked up, it was the big mouth from a few nights earlier on the corner of 26th & Auer Avenue. What a birthday gift, I thought.

He said, "You remember this?"
He was with another cat who he must have been trying to impress. "Yeah, he saw my 45...I was gonna pop him!"
He and his friend stepped out of the store laughing. Shay had been outside so he didn't see what went on in the store.

I got my beer and stepped outside behind the two "Crips". When I got outside, they were stand there, not thinking about me, just talking. I said, "A-Yo! Hold up!" Shay walked over a few steps behind me still not too close. "Yeah... Shay, these are the cats that upped missiles on me the other night." Without thought. Shay reached under his shirt pulling out his pistol and pointed it at the big mouth.
Shay said, "Happy Birthday, Folks!"

I'll leave it there. My point is...You never know who you're dealing with when you play that RAH RAH!! Every laid back dude's not so laid back! Not every thug is a real thug!

Think about it!!
#25Street #Quad #BGD #FolksNation #ShauMoney

"Heavy Hearts, ❤"

I have friends & many are women.
I find myself attracted to their intelligence & culture.
I find myself attracted to their beauty & wisdom.
I find myself still in love with my wife, Daniela.

My heart aches & yearns for her touch.
For her whisper.
I miss her.
My heart aches with the heaviness of being alone.
No one understands me.
How can they?
How could you understand my pain unless she loved you & you loved her.

The chaos & confusion wraps around me like a whirlwind of turmoil and distress.
Trees are torn from the ground ripping their roots from solid soil. Water whips in the winds, slamming & pounding back & forth.
Ten thousand lifetimes & ten thousand lovers couldn't compare to her glory.
Her glory... Her spectacular amazing glorious nature.
Never will you have an equal. Never will I love again...

Daniela!!!

"Strawberry Waterfalls"

(2x) Why did you leave me...

Why did you leave this reality & me alone in a wilderness of wolves & scorpions,
whose fangs & stingers lust like whores salivating over the smell of bloody money on dirty mattresses in back alleyways.

Where Rats w/ scuff marks across their snarling faces caused from squeezing through tight holes not meant to be holes or used as holes, politic on street corners under broken lamps about the injustices by MPD death Squads,
but don't care about the mass extermination of their kindred in elementary classroom walls or cornfields.

Where black grizzly bears drive CTS Cadillac sitting too big for passengers to ride shotgun,
while tooting shotguns for protection from juvenile dereliction through intimidation and urban gang affiliations.

These monstrosities circulate,
Grizzlies Bears anticipate,
Pull up the barrel,
cock & load,
slang from the hip & let the St. Barnards loose...

"WROOOF!!!"

Cleared the block,
Roaches scattering when that body drop,
blast loud like two 15's in a kickerbox pounding 8-0-8 baselines.

Praise Jesus...

But you're gone.
Not coming back.
My smiles are reactions to memories of us together,
you are preparing our eternal house for our family.
Our culture ALWAYS our perfected way of life.
I'm taking it from Knowledge to Born because my knowledge borns what we had,
have and will eternally be...

I master this existence for my 7's in the Heavens,
under Strawberry Waterfalls on Furry Hilltops.

I know one thing...

I thing for sure...

Daniela Earth shines brightest to our culture!!!

"Pine Hill Road Diaries News..."

New To Me:

I just found out that I have access to things I've written on my business phone on my personal phone via the iCloud. It's cool. This allows me to work on my blog things on my business phone without carrying my personal, which tempts me to get on my social networking platforms. Yeah, you heard me right. I'm trying to slow down on my social networking. Contrary to popular miseducation, Ray actually does work a lot outside of being on FaceBook, Twitter, Link'dIn, SocialCam, Instagram and Blogger. I have an awesome platform called TweetDeck, which allows me to do one thing there and it travels to "ALL" of my social networking accounts.

Why I Use Social Media So Much:

I use social networking as a business tool to assist with projects I'm doing, but mostly to reach out to my audience for the release of my novel 'Pine Hill Road Diaries' due out in publication near summer time, 2013. I know it seems as though I'm really just kicking it and hanging out, but the truth of the matter is the more I'm on social network the more my name and 'Pine Hill arias Diaries' is heard and becomes a common name. So, once the novel is completed in publication, people will already be used to it. At this time, I'm focusing audiences around Milwaukee, WI and Southern Arkansas with a major push via Internet. The website was up for a short period (4 1/2 wks), but came down because the designer wanted to default in the contract. "People... Always get you a contract written when dealing with your business ventures!"

How's The Project Coming Along:

I know you're all just about tire of hearing about these dreaded chapters taking too long. Well, that are. I'm trying to push through and get them down, but I find issues every time I think they're completed. Although, I want to entertain you guys and gals, I truly want to remain focused and accurate to the occurrences in the novel.

I'm meeting with a few new web designers and hopefully, I'll be coming up with a date for the website to be launched. That will be very awesome.

PHR Diaries News:

The PHR Diaries Publishing House will be meeting about their projects and utter saturation based around Daniela Matthews one year anniversary of her passing. This is gonna be a blast to celebrate Daniela's life and something she was in full and total support of.

Purpose...

You've all heard me discuss being a father and husband and how special those roles are to me. I've come to a realization this drab rainy morning. Many men get caught up in the idea of being the head of their household without truly understanding the purpose of roles in the household. I had it tweaked at first so don't think I'm ridiculing you for not knowing. Remember, with age comes understanding.

Growing up in a small community like El Dorado, Arkansas, I was taught jewels every time I turned around. There was a culture of 'Real Men' who were there to teach me and show me what my job and duties were to my family and community. As I've said, I come from a community where all the families were two-parent households and everyone played their positions accordingly. Watching men like Billy Cook, Joseph Robinson, Mr. Blake, James Sanders, Andrew Matthews,
and Ray Matthews Sr. These men, on that small short road off of Mt. Holly Road, taught me how to be a strong provider for my family. They each taught me how to love and respect my woman and dedicate myself to her happiness. These amazing men showed me how to be a good father to my children and how to love my family.

My desire to be home (Arkansas) is outbid respect for the lessons I learned as a teenager. The person I was due to those teachings impressed Daniela so much she married me. Also, we were in preparation to leave Milwaukee and relocate our family to Arkansas. She saw the potential in raising our children in the family based environment I was raised. Unfortunately, she passed and that dream faded away. Maybe the "Big City" has grown to be too much for me. Hahaha.... Yeah, I've admitted it. I know my friend Shane is laughing at me. I want to be home so much. Small town. Laid back vibe raising my and Daniela's babies in those same ideas where I was raised. As a parent it's our job to be a leader for our families. That's my purpose. What is yours?

This is what Pine Hill Road Diaries is all about. Keep your eye out because the last chapters are being completed.

"The Day You Get A Visit From The Reaper"

If its one thing I know better than anything, it's our time here on this Earth, in this life, has an expiration date. We won't be here forever. We'll all be charged with living our lives then leaving our legacy for our sons and daughters. We'll live as long as our names are mentioned in tales and stories of deeds we've done. The men and women we'll become in legend will be forged today, in these days.

I ask, "When the Reaper comes, how do you want to leave this life?"

Throughout my life, I'd been surrounded by men of virtue. Men of cause and valor. As a child, I dreamt of fighting in the middle of a grand battlefield amongst thousands of warriors dying for a great purpose. There was no good or bad. Simply warriors doing their duty as warriors. My blade chipped and blooded from the warriors who I'd slayed on that very battlefield. I pictured the Reaper watching the battle from a position high on top of a hill. The Reaper sees me and chooses me. And with a very shakey point of his finger, my fate would be chosen. I'd be struck down by sword or arrow to die on that battlefield.

Hahaha.... Well, my idea or picture of my death was very grand at that time. Years and experience has shown my death may not be that dramatic. The swords, arrows and battlefields are gone and replaced by guns, mass killings and health issues. Some of us wish to die by old age, but as my grandparents and parents get older, I find that method to be slow and more painful in ways. I guess here's a problem. If we could decide our own method of dying, we'd create a way to prepare our families and friends for our deaths. So we don't know exactly how well leave this existence so we must life it to the fullest of our capabilities.

My plans are to live everyday as my last in hopes to die a good death. To accept death and teach my children to accept death as the Reaper comes for us all.

#GracieJiujitsu #47Ronin #Mortality #Samurai #Bushido